Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
