Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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