Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
