the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
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