Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
