If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
