My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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