I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
did you just send me my own nude
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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