You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
