i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
