Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Randomize