booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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