Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
