remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize