It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
she peed on how many people?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
