I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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