I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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