We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
