I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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