I puked a lego.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
