that's an acceptable place to lick
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
