Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
