3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
