Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Randomize
