Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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