I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
