all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
