it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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