I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I have tasted many bathrooms
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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