Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
