Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
