i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
