So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
