just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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