went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
