he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
