Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
