it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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