so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
