Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
