dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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