apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize