We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
my being single is dangerous.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
