evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
