Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Randomize