I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
