I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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