Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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