Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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