How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
