just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Terrible idea I love it
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
