if i died would you start the facebook group?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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