Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You've changed since you got that strap on
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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