My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
