Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
