I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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