hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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