ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
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