What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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