I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Are my feet made of real feet?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
