Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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