That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Randomize
