insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
