Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
im six kinds of drunk right now
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
