there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
