Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
