Midget sex pt 2 tonight
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize