I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize