It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize