We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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