If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
