I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
