He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
