I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
