you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
