ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
